


Distance

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-22 09:19:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/608249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And I know this won't last forever, but God damn it it feels like forever since we've been together--'Til we'll be together again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distance

Knowing someone for one day shouldn't be long enough to need them this much, you think, as you stare balefully at your crabtop. You're tempted again to contact your future self, though the closer you get to the end of this human "year" the more future you becomes current you and probably won't have any more insight into this problem than you do.

Still, it's someone to talk to about all of this nonsense. You can't very well complain to Rose or Dave about how much you miss their human friend without dealing with either a deep analysis of your feelings and psyche or . . . Dave.

Terezi is right out. Things might be over between the two of you but you don't think whining to her about another girl would go over too terribly well.

Gamzee is . . . Gamzee. You don't think he'd have any particularly sage advice to offer on the matter, and you know you're the shoosher, not the shooshee, in that palemance anyway.

Kanaya is another case entirely. You feel like you could probably confide in her about the issue but . . . Your relationship has always run a little close to the pale and you've already filled that quadrant. Encouraging paleness through feelings jams would be a bad move, particularly considering your still somewhat unstable moirail.

So you sit with your crabtop in a secluded corner of the ship, staring at your trollian client and willing that little green handle to light up.

You don't even know what you'd say to her. Hi, I miss you so fucking much and I still have a fuckton of conflicting feelings over you and hey are you seeing anyone right now because I am so fucking lonely and pathetic and I really need you in some way I can't really define please pity me?

Yeah, that would go over real well.

With a frustrated huff of breath through your nasal breathing orifices you close the chat client, instead pulling up a blank document. The year is ending soon--too soon and not soon enough--and you need to figure out what the hell you want to say to her when you finally meet. 

Hey, Harley

Ugh. No. "Harley"? Really? Your greeting will set the tone for the rest of the conversation--you can't call her by her surname!

Hey, Jade.

Now that is a greeting. Expressing familiarity in just two simple words. The perfect intro to a deep and interesting conversation. You're off to a great start, Karkat--now to see if you can keep up that brilliant momentum. You hit enter and wiggle your fingers over your keyboard, preparing to unleash a torrent of meaningful and beautiful words.

You have no fucking clue where to start oh my God words are suddenly the most difficult thing in existence.

You make an absolutely pathetic sound between a groan and a whine and shut your crabtop in defeat. You don't know what you were thinking. Honestly, even if you penned a magnificent human sonnet for her you'd just end up forgetting the entire thing and spurting nonsense the moment you saw her face. At least on Trollian you could think about what you said--not that you ever did--and delete the things you realized wouldn't go over well--again, not that you ever did--before you sent a message to her.

God, you wish you could contact her. Sure, you'd probably fuck up and send her something you shouldn't, as you are often wont to do, but at least you'd have something besides this God awful waiting.

As a human philosopher whose name you can't quite place once said, the waiting is the hardest part.

Waiting gives you time to think about all the things you said to her that day. Waiting gives you time to regret every single word and work yourself into a panicking mess over them. Waiting gives you time to think about how completely you're going to fuck up the reunion and how much you won't be able to handle ruining the tenuous friendship between Jade and yourself. Waiting gives you time to consider ridiculous ideas like Jade having a relationship with that dave-bird-sprite-thing because wouldn't that just be hilarious irony if both people you've ever had red feelings for ended up with some iteration of that fucking prick.

Waiting gives you time to think about how much you need her and how ridiculous that is because you knew each other for one fucking day and haven't spoken to each other in almost a full sweep.

It would be almost romantic if it weren't so fucking pathetic.

God, you miss her so much.

You wish there was some way to know if she misses you too--if she's thought about you at all since that day. There's no way she needs you as much as you need her, but just knowing that she thinks about you would be enough.

Well, no, that's a complete lie. You want to know that she feels the same way about you. You want to know that she misses you as much as you miss her--that she needs you the way you need her--but you'd settle for knowing that you occasionally cross her mind.

There's no way of knowing that, though, so you continue to stew in your own misery and count down the nights until you can finally breathe the same air as her, and hear her voice.

You tell yourself that closing that distance will be enough for you and you almost believe yourself.


End file.
